So I came across this video on A Thrifty Mrs blog earlier on this evening and I just thought I would share it as its definitely something that touched a nerve and I really commend Karakamos for having the balls to make such a video.
This subject she discusses below is something I can definitely relate to as I used to and sometimes still restrict myself, hide away and don’t allow myself to “live” because I feel my looks hold me back. Like Kara, I also sometimes find it annoying if people compliment my on my looks because I KNOW what I look like and its definitely not what people see -the video talks about not letting your looks stop you from living life and to keep things in perspective. There are definitely elements of this that I can put into practise for the future.
If you have a few spare minutes, give it a watch and let me know your thoughts.
I think considering where we as a society put the benchmark for beauty – in both men and women – everyone looks ugly at least some of the time. I wouldn't say I'm ugly but God knows I look FUCKING MINGING when I wake up all greasy on a Saturday morning with a prize-winning hangover and dog breath.
We all judge people on first impressions, but I don't think it matters too much what people are born with. Sure, some people have great genetics, good for them. Some have less good genetics, never mind, it's not the end of the world. But I don't like it when people don't make the best of themselves. Appearance IS important, not just for attracting the opposite sex, but for friendships and careers too. That's just how it is; ALL animals will judge others of their species in some way. There's nothing wrong with it.
My advice to this girl would be, good for you for not being a vain tart. But she's not happy with herself 100% of the time, that's obvious. And she admits it. If she put in a little bit of effort with her appearance – and I'm not saying she should spend hours in front of the mirror – she might feel better about herself.
Steph, I know you don't want to hear it as you have already stated you don't see what others see, but I am going to say it anyway! You are beautiful, I don't know where you got this morphed image of yourself but you need to give yourself a good telling off. I can only say for experience that it is a waste of time and of life to let the thoughts about your image stop you from doing things. When we went shopping in Westfield I had such a lovely time and I know you have had some difficult times, but please don't let that hold you back. Look at yourself long and hard and realise your self worth, it doesn't matter whether people on the street see you a certain way what matters is how you see yourself. I know that people look at me still and think why an earth is that girl wearing those clothes when she is so overweight but in reality they are of no importance to my life you have to battle hard to love yourself it's not an easy journey but when you do trust me the rewards are worth it.
I want you to watch this video, it changed the way I thought about myself
xxx
I can't believe you ever thought you were ugly!Loooks are so suggestive (even with the universally "pleasing ideal").
FACTS Ms. Nerd About Town:
We are all beautiful in our own way (and I think you have a great face and that you are actually pretty!)
You have a lot of talent.
It's always a pleasure to see someone who has a similar skintone as me blogging and wearing amazing looks. It's not something that happens very often for us (as black women of colour) but it just speaks to society and it's warped and limiting standard of beauty not to you or I. I just have to say that!
I love your blog and I wish I could vote for you this year but I live in Canada (bordering NYC actually haha). So that's a shame!
Take care 🙂
More thoughts:
It sounds like what you see is directly linked to the standard of beauty society puts out there. The reality is that society (as a whole)values long blond hair, blue eyes, a small straight nose, a couple of frekles to keep it youthful, and small lips. This is not anything on the spectrum of what most black women of colour look like.
And it's a shame that this is the case because we are such beautiful people (with amazing strong skin and we can wear bright colours and make it look effortless) but sometimes we sell ourselves short. I think more work must be done within the black community from a grass roots level because this lack of acceptance and understanding of our unique beauty is not just a shame but completely outrageous. You are absolutely gorgeous. There is nothing wrong with how you look at all. I am saying this truthfully and honestly. I hope you can grow to see that.