Eurgh. I’m sorry about this rant

I feel really low at the moment.
I decided to take some photos of myself with my cameraphone and digital camera earlier on and when I was done, i uploaded them all onto my laptop and sifted through them. To my utter disappointment none of them came out at least halfway decent at all.
Now i’m just sitting here in floods of tears because I really do wish i was pretty. I wish that I could take a random photo without worrying about the lighting and worrying about which angles to face to make me look more ‘appealing’ to the camera.
I’m the person who takes at least 300 pictures so I can get at the most, 4 good pictures which can be publically viewable.
I always thought that If i lost a bit of weight, maybe my pictures would come out better, but it’s still the same. It’s still the same ugliness I see in the mirror everyday and I hate it. There’s not one part of me physically that I can honestly say I like. There were times when I would pray for God to just kill me and re-make me all over again with different features and body parts because I don’t think I can ‘love myself’-not in this body. Or if i do, it’s gonna take a hell of a long time and countless cosmetic surgery procedures.
But who has the money for that?
I’ve thought about it many times and I swear on my life if i had the funds to get something done i would make my first consultation like THAT.

I don’t know why i’m ranting…i feel like this everyday so I don’t know why i’m choosing to spill it all today.
I just wished i looked like a completely different person.
There’s so much more I want to say but..i don’t want to get too personal on here..yet I don’t feel i have anyone to talk to atm.
I think i’ma leave it here.

Steph