“You’re gonna be the age Jesus was when he died. Wild. Happy Birthday tho.”

My Mum

I’m shaft-deep into this whole ‘being in my thirties’ thing now and so far, it’s been alright. I didn’t really know what to expect when I initially turned thirty, as mentally I still felt like a teenager. Not in the immature, naive way of course, but more so physically, and the way I navigated my interests I suppose.

One thing I was always told about hitting your thirties is the complete lack of shame and giving a fuck that takes place once you enter this new era. I was cynical at first, “how can a number automatically dictate the lack of fucks you give about a thing??” but there is an element of truth to it. I’ve noticed that things that would usually upset or frustrate me don’t tend to as much and there is a degree of freedom that comes with that. I’m pretty sure the reason for this lack of giving a shit is due to me just feeling too old and lazy to drum up any kind of negative feeling towards said occurrence, but it’s a feeling that I’m happy to roll with for the foreseeable.

I’m incredibly grateful for all the experiences the last year has brought me; the good and the bad. I’ve had a few personality confidence kickbacks when it comes to how I portray myself on my little corner of the internet; constantly in a state of worry as to how I come across and whether I can please everyone at all times. I’ve also had some wonderful writing and brand opportunities that I’m super proud of, and this I start this new chapter of my life, I find myself attempting to construct what I think my life could look like in the next few years.

I’ve always known deep down where I would love my life to lead, but now is the time to start making those dreams a reality, now that I have a few more resources to help me on my way. One of those things is getting a driver’s licence and learning how to drive. Can you imagine I’ve gone through two provisional licenses? It’s actually embarrassing at this point.

Yes, I’m thirty-three, and although I’ve been doing this career for the last 13 years, I still don’t feel as if I’ve hit my peak. I think – in fact I’m sure – that I still have so much more to give and do.

Anyhoo, I thought I’d make a list of twenty things I wish I could tell my twenty-three-year-old self. Because who doesn’t love a listicle?

1. You are absolutely fine as you are, and you do not need to change your body for anyone and anything. Therapy is the thing you need right now, not a detox.
2. Faux freckles are not your friend. It’s not a ‘hip, cool’ look for you; You’re having a nervous breakdown. Put the brown eyeliner DOWN.
3. Love is coming. Later than you’d like, but it’s coming. Although it may seem like the easiest option, do not write yourself off just yet.
4. Those pink, crushed velvet sock boots that you end up buying after your 27th birthday are a mistake.
5. Every day, you’re working towards your dream, even if you don’t know what that dream looks like yet.
6. Take more photos. Journal more, and often. Spend time on your own for fun.
7. Don’t accept the bare minimum just because you feel you have no other choice. You deserve so much better than random dudes who refuse to clean the scum out of their braces and then go on to attempt to French kiss/spit in your mouth in public. Ew.
8. Always trust your gut. Always. It has and will never steer you wrong.
9. Delete your POF account now.
10. Travel more. New York was amazing. Do more of it.
11. Don’t forget to forgive yourself.
12. Take up space and be unapologetic. You deserve the same opportunities as everyone else if you work hard at them.
13. Speak up and make your voice heard if you want something done. It’s okay to give critique.
14. Sometimes, it’s okay to not know what you’re doing. You come from a community that focuses a lot on career and other life goals. Stop pressuring yourself to dip into a career you don’t want.
15. You cannot please everyone all the time. You cannot be all things to all people. Calm down.
16. It’s okay to tell people you love them. It doesn’t make you weak. Do not feel embarrassed by the word.
17. If you’re gonna ho around, make this your ho phase now because when you’re older, you’ll feel too old to do it.
18. Accepting help is not a weakness.
19. You are going to go through a terrible time in the next couple of years. Start going to therapy to help you prepare for that time now.
20. Don’t be scared to be goofy or playful. Relax! Enjoy your life hun.